Many hostels are designated youth hostels: that is, intended for ages 18 -35. Some strictly enforce this rule, others just suggest you find different accommodations, and some don’t care. Now, I’ve always been one to strongly support the “age doesn’t matter!” movement (is it a movement or just a popular thought?) but at the same time OLD PEOPLE SHOULDN’T STAY IN HOSTEL DORMS. At least not the 70 year old man who is currently in my room. Why?
1. Old people are not agile
I checked into my room and claimed the last bottom bunk of the six bed dorm. I was very excited about this because I knew I was going to be sleeping there for at least three, possibly four nights. And then this old guy checks in right after me. He looks around the room, and passively aggressively says something along the lines of “they said I could have a bottom bunk.” Fun fact: I was there while he was checking in: they pactually said “we can’t guarantee top or bottom bunk choices as we don’t assign beds.” Well, I wasn’t going to make a 70 year old man climb a freaking ladder, so I offered him my bed and relunctantly climbed on top. Now I have a stupid top bunk because old people.
2. Old people are inconsiderate
Obviously this is a mass generalization, but I do think that many of them feel entitled and that because they’ve lived longer, they deserve everything and they don’t bother treating youth with respect. For example, sometimes it’s midnight and there are three of you asleep in the dorm with the lights off, and someone comes in. Oh my goodness, is that Old Man again? Well, someone just turned ALL OF THE LIGHTS ON instead of using his phone or a flashlight, so it MUST HAVE BEEN! (It was.)
3. Old people don’t understand technology
A sound woke me up around six am. That’s impressive, because I’ve slept through storms. I eventually realized that the sound was coming from a phone – it was the little “bloop” sound a phone makes when it sends or receives a text, except it wasn’t exactly little: the sound seemed to be turned all the way up. At six am. GUESS WHOSE PHONE WAS MAKING THIS SOUND. After I had a sleepily confused tantrum and one of the guys in the dorm politely asked him to turn the sound off, he did. Then he got on his laptop and started typing, which was a little annoying but didn’t bother me near as much. About half an hour later, HE GOES BACK ON HIS PHONE AND CONTINUES TEXTING WITH THE SOUND ON. I almost murdered him.
4. Old people are old
Like, you make funny noises when you get into bed and you’re all wrinkly and that sounds really mean and I know that it’s (hopefully) going to happen to me someday. But I won’t be staying in youth hostels. I’ll be staying in a new thing I’m making up right now, called a “Mature Hostel,” and it will be for people who have had their midlife crisis and now are traveling to find themselves. The beds will have extra support, there will be bars that exclusively serve Chardonnay and martinis, and no one under 45 will be admitted.
I hope you’ve learned some valuable information about old people today. If you have any more important old people points, leave them in the comments!